Eli-Mae's notes

Friday, April 15, 2005

Mind numbing fear/anxiety

I am stressed. This thing that I am trying to do. It's nuts. The interview went well, I'm pleased about that. I am going to be so broke if I succeed. We're talking a $4 paycut here just so I can go and work at a job where creativity is good not bad. I will go from appx. 360 to maybe 200.
Monthly Exspenses:
Student Loan Assholes=74
Gas=100 (generous estimate)
Food=100 (that's Save-a-Lot shopping)
And for a grand total: $624.00
Total expected income: $800.00
Whoops forgot about insurance which is another $100.
So does anyone else see the difficulty here? hmm anyone? $76 dollars extra is not much padding folks. This budget is pretty sparse already, I'm not even counting the phone which is 40 a month. Christ, I hope nothing breaks down.
Right now you might be asking yourself, why would a person do this to themselves. On purpose? I'm doing it because it will pay off in the future. I went to school for this. I'm an artist dammit. I want to work for the newspaper. It will give me an oppurtunity to publish my cartoons again. I will even, within a couple of years, come right back up to my current pay scale. Maybe, hopefully.
Sometimes you have to go for the long shot. You have to crawl out of your comfy rut and take a risk, something I have avoided like the plague till now.
Now that I have finished writing this, my anxiety has been dulled and the fear has become less mind numbing. The problems didn't go away, just the fear.
My Dad is so going to kill me when he gets a load of what I'm doing.

HOly COw


  • Lessons from a wise old man:

    1. Never do ANYTHING for the money. Passion is the only legitimate reason for holding any job. EVER. If you career doesn't fill you with passion, you are wasting most of your waking hours.

    2. If the passion is there, the money, however miniscule, will ALWAYS take care of itself. Have faith in that. It is universally true - if not universally believed. Believe it with all your heart.

    3. The most cruel bonds you will ever endure are handcuffs made of gold. Don't EVER let yourself be lured into a situation where you'd like to give up your job to do something for which you have more passion - but don't see how you can afford it. See #2, which is ALWAYS true.

    Just sayin.

    By Blogger Nilbo, at 11:13 AM  

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